Divorce and the Effects of Emotional Abuse
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Even though emotional abuse can scar a person’s mind and soul, it does not involve any physical torture. The experts have described emotional abuse as the strongest yet subtlest form of abuse.
Emotional abuse is often considered to be the strongest form of abuse because the abuser eventually gets to control the victim’s mind and it is the subtlest form of abuse because even the victim may not know that he or she is being abused.
What is Emotional Abuse?
The abuser tries to humiliate, mentally torture, criticise, and degrade the victim to such an extent that the victim loses his or her self-confidence completely. In fact, many experts agree that the emotional abuser indulges in emotional abuse so that he or she can gain complete control over the victim. Very often, the victims become very submissive after repeated incidents of emotional abuse and they lose their perception of reality because the abuser changes their perception of reality into whatever the abuser wants it to be.
Even though emotional abuse does not involve physical scarring, the mental scars of emotional abuse can cause severe psychological damage. Since most victims cannot produce physical evidence of this form of torture, they find this type of abuse harder to prove.
What Does Emotional Abuse Involve?
Emotional abuse can manifest itself in various forms. The abuser may consistently insult the victim, hurt the victim with scornful comments, and embarrass the victim in public or in private. Emotional abuse can range from simple mockery to constantly controlling the victim’s actions and movements. Emotional abusers find it very hard to trust their spouses and may keep nagging their victims about indulging in extramarital affairs without any conclusive evidence.
The abusers tend to find fault with anything that the victims say or do. There are times when the abusers try to control the victims to such an extent that they dictate who the victims should meet and when. The abuser, in his or her attempt to gain control of the victim humiliates and criticises the victim’s friends or relatives when they visit so that the victim is forced to stop all contact with them.
Subsequently, the victim becomes reclusive and this gives the abuser a golden opportunity to control the victim even further. Abusers tend to use negative criticism about victim’s appearance, job, abilities, and actions so that the victim loses his or her self-confidence completely.
How Does Emotional Abuse Harm the Marriage?
Marriage is supposed be a strong bond between two people, which is based on trust, respect, and love. An abuser fails to realise the importance of these bonds as he or she shows no love, trust, or respect toward his or her partner. The controlling and suspicious nature of the abuser makes the victim feel trapped inside the marriage.
Emotional abuse can feel like slow death because the victim’s heart aches to break free from the torture but is not able to. The abuser’s behaviour gives rise to a fear in the victim’s mind; the victim constantly fears rejection and more hurtful behaviour. In many cases, victims go into a severe depression. Marriage, as a bond and relationship, ceases to be what it is supposed to be and the victim may want to opt out of the marriage to put an end to all the torture.
Is Divorce the Only Solution?
A friend of mine was trapped in an emotionally abusive marriage wherein her husband would constantly criticise her actions, career goals, thoughts and ideas. She was an extremely attractive and beautiful woman and yet her husband kept criticizing about her looks. She reached a point where she started to doubt her abilities and her worth as a person because she actually started believing what her husband was saying.
Fortunately, she had a strong social network and her friends and family corrected her distorted view about herself. However, it was not easy for her to start thinking positively about herself because years and years of emotional abuse had programmed her to think only negatively about herself. Towards the end of it, she felt so frustrated about her marriage and her husband that she did not even want to try to make things work. Therefore, for her, divorce was the only option.
Divorce may be the only solution for victims who see no hope in sight. Some people try counselling and even trial separation to see if the abuser can change his or her behaviour for the better. However, most abusers find it very hard to believe and understand that the problem is with them and not with their partner. Therefore, in most cases, victims opt for a divorce.
James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you want to find out more about a solicitor managed divorce see http://www.managed-divorce.co.uk
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