Why "YES" Also Means "NO"
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When you decide to spend time on something in response to someone’s request, do you ask yourself “What am I saying 'No' to in order to say 'Yes' to this?
I was recently talking with a small business owner who is suffering from the “I don’t have enough time for everything” blues, as so many small business owners and self-employed people do. By the time he arrives home after 9:00 pm, his wife and kids are asleep in bed. He’s missed out on time with them. He’s physically exhausted and wants only to go to sleep. But he just gets up the next day to do the same thing.
So I asked him, "What do you do during a typical day?"
He told me about the customer who invited him to see their facility (which filled his afternoon time), the hours spent helping the Rotary Club prepare for a fundraiser, and dealing with daily business in- between that completely saturated his schedule.
I asked him about the request from the Rotary Club – when he said “Yes, I can help with that.” I asked if he realized that when he said “Yes” he was saying “No” at the same time. You see, we all have the amazing gift of 24 hours in each day. I can use these hours for whatever I choose (there are consequences, of course, but for the most part it is up to me). But most often we cannot do two different things with the same given hour of our day. This may sounds obvious, but let’s go back to the man I was working with.
I asked what he said “No” to when he accepted the rotary club’s request. He looked confused. When he decided to commit two hours to their fundraiser, he had inadvertently decided to not spend those two hours on something else. As we talked through this, he discovered he would get home an hour and a half later and neglect calling back several potential clients during the day. In other words, as he said “Sure, I’ll help with the fundraiser,” he also said to his wife and kids “No, I won’t spend dinnertime with you tonight” He also had said "No, I will not pursue more business clients." (Which, by the way, he desperately needed to do).
When he really considered it, he realized that there were plenty of others who would have cheerfully signed up the fundraiser task. He only said “Yes” because he was asked. He didn’t feel free to say “No” in that moment. In effect, he traded the precious time he could have spent with his family for something that didn’t really matter to him that much (and that would have been done by someone else anyway).
How does this play out in your life? When you decide to spend time on something in response to someone’s request, do you ask yourself “What am I saying 'No' to in order to say 'Yes' to this?” Try this for just one day and see what you come up with. Of course, it doesn’t just apply to saying 'Yes' to requests from others – it can be to work you commit to yourself. But one of the most challenging areas for most people is dealing with requests from others. Much of our time is spent in this area, then later wishing we hadn’t. So, what will you be asked to say 'yes' to today?
Before you answer the request, first ask yourself:
a) “How long will it take?” b) “What am I saying ‘No’ to in order to have this time?”
I wish you the best in finding more time for what really matters most to you in life. Be sure to take that time to do what you really want to this Summer.
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